Ladies, can we really have it all?

We wear so many hats as women, but can we really have it all?

I think we can, but maybe not all at once.

If you read my About Me page, you will see that I’m a mum to two girls and much of what I do is geared towards creating a legacy for them. When I set out into the world of motherhood, I didn’t anticipate that I’d be doing half of what I do now. In fact, I was certain life was going to be super hard for a while. I guess it was in some ways but when my relationship with their dad came to a welcome end, I discovered something magical: my own power.

Since creating my own path in the world, I have dropped my doubts (for the most part) and pursued my biggest dreams. I won’t say it has been easy as that is far from the truth, but over the years I have found my own rhythm and worked out how I can make everything work for me.

It’s important that I point out the heavy responsibility that comes with motherhood, even when I am not posting about my children on social media or posing with them in photos, I am always a mum and that doesn’t change. But as well as that, I’m also a Writing Coach, a mature student, a partner, a friend and a co-director of a community interest company. The little bit I share on social media often prompts people to enquire how I manage everything, and so this post is really here to help shed the light on it all.

1. Routine is key. I know I am not the only mum who likes routine. While I can be laid back and relaxed with my kids, knowing what to expect keeps us all settled. My children have set bed times, set meal times and for the most part we stick to it. They aren’t all over the place and I know what time I can relax and focus on other stuff.

2. Planning. I love to plan, not just nice things but also to organise my time so that it is productive. As a Writing Coach, I use an online diary for bookings with potential clients and match that up with my non-business commitments. I use the time when my children are at school for meetings, telephone conversations, blogging, emails, content creation, consultations, networking events, everything that demands my full attention. While at uni, I have to prioritise my studies and this can only be done with study time allocated in my weekly schedule.

3. Priorities. This one deserves a blog post all by itself. I used to spread myself thinly trying to do everything all at once, giving as much as I could have of me to as many people as possible. When I became emotionally and mentally drained, I decided I had to make a change. My children deserve a happy mum and I was far from it. I decided to pour my energy and time into people, opportunities and projects that moved me forward and left me feeling good. I decided to give less, to put my own needs above the wants of others and be unapologetic about it. It didn’t sit right with everyone, for some reason people search for validation from me. But I can’t be responsible for that, only for myself. Of course, you are important but you aren’t important to everyone. You will always be important to yourself. Take care of you.

4. Self care. I’ve been on a self-love journey for almost five years and I have learned so much about myself. I understand now that while I love socialising, I get drained very quickly. I understand that I love my events and feel inspired by them, but they are often followed by post-event anxiety that leave me wanting to hide from the world.

I know that I am working through dealing with my emotions, but it is okay to lean on my friends to help me distinguish between anxiety and fact. I know that if I’m having a period of insomnia, it’s likely that the issues in my subconscious need to be brought to the surface and addressing. I know that as much as I love Instagram, I often need to take a break from it and I do with ease, sometimes a few days or weeks at a time. Knowing all of this means I can take responsibility for my well-being and put measures in place to ensure I am in a good place. I know that when I feel good, I can manage everything, it all falls into place.

5. Support. I’ve been on my own for a few years now but never alone. I’ve built a strong network of forward-thinking women around me who cheer-lead me at every given opportunity. My friends have been invaluable to me, mostly because they have seen me as a mess, not just as a well-put-together individual.

As focused and positive as I am, there are days when I need a boost or a voice of reason, and I am now blessed to have that in my life. As I grow, I know my friendship circles are changing, I know I’m outgrowing some or just moving in different directions, and I respect that. But I can’t overlook the positive contributions from each person who have been part of my growth in some way.

I hope this post has prompted you to think about breathing life into your old dreams. I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

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