The Period of “FUCK THIS”

A few months ago, I entered a period of “fuck this” and it’s been liberating.

Now I know at first glance this seems like this blog post could be written by a potty mouth, and I would agree with you there, but please stick around a while longer to see what I’m talking about exactly.

I have reached a point in my life where enough is enough, I am not prepared to tolerate or accept people, situations and environments that contribute nothing of value to my life.

It’s getting ridiculous, people. Please tell me why I was allowing myself to be strung along with some one-sided imaginary romance when I knew deep down the other person involved was only around for what they could get? It’s not the first time it happened but revelations have been painful and made it impossible for me to continue with that particular bad habit. So, FUCK THIS.

I owe it to myself to give myself the love and respect I know I deserve. I preach about it everywhere, I feel it in my soul and really need to put it into practice and trust that I can and will get better. Some things have had to change and part of that has been me.

That is applicable to so many situations though.

I know I’m in a period of growth whenever I encounter what seems to be challenges. It is interesting the way in which some people think they can approach me but part of that is down to what I have allowed in the past. Allow someone to think they are superior to you and they’ll keep that in mind when they come at you. Do not give away your power so easily, my lovely. Think: FUCK THIS. I know I worked way too hard on myself and my confidence, and I’m still a work in progress, and most definitely work way too hard to allow people to paint me with their opinions and walk over me like some doormat. Come on now. I say FUCK THIS to all of that. I’ll call you out on all of that. Come with hard facts, evidence or don’t come at all. I know a few people who have been experiencing this while also entering a period of growth, so it must be true to say new levels bring new devils.

fuck thisThere was a time when I’d worry about what people think, be extra mindful of what kind of person I was, careful to say and do the right thing. I’d been called a fake by someone close and it made me so self-conscious. It’s not to say that I don’t still have some of those elements, but I’m more concerned about whether or not I can sleep with ease at night. Did I love myself today? Did I respect myself today? Did I allow and accept anyone else to disrespect me today? I need to know and trust that I am on my side at all times.

Saying “FUCK THIS” to people, situations, environments and anything else that is compromising who you are as a person, going against your values and beliefs, is important. A few months ago, I had someone from the past message me on social media and suggest that I had pretended to be anxious and timid because I appear much more confident now. I thought to myself “FUCK THIS”. I reminded the person that I had just come out of an oppressive relationship when we were friends and that now, three years on, I have been on a self love journey and have come out of my shell. Why did that warrant an explanation from someone who I once called a friend? They should understand better than anyone. My growth made that person doubt sincerity of the character I was before, but why should I remain the same to make others feel comfortable? That Annika is no more.

Recently I found a large amount of my online writing portfolio missing from the website it had been posted on and I was mortified. I hadn’t been pre-warned, notified or advised to take my own copies of what I’d written. I don’t know when it had been removed but I discovered it myself when checking that the links on my website were all up-to-date. I was going to leave it, certain that this level of disrespect was evidence of an individual who saw no value in what I’d produced. But then I thought “FUCK THIS”. No. I couldn’t allow myself to let this fuckery continue without me even trying to salvage what had been lost, or at the very least let them know that I noticed what they did. I value what I had written, I needed to demonstrate this so I said “FUCK THIS” and followed it up. I demanded an explanation. I demanded an answer. I got some results. Go me.

I have nothing to be anxious about, over-think or analyse when I’ve given myself clarity.

When you know yourself, your worth, your values and beliefs, when you hold yourself in high regard you won’t accept anything less than that from anyone else. I know that I am responsible for my own happiness, people can contribute to it but ultimately it is up to me to deliver it. I have to be at peace with the day I’ve had, when I lay in bed thinking over everything I have to secure in the knowledge that I was treated with respect by myself and others. It’s up to me to stand my ground and stick up for myself when I move up a level and new devils come in. It has happened a few times now and the first couple of times it affected me but then I thought “FUCK THIS”.

I want to live my life authentically and that means allowing myself to just be and not surrounding myself with people, environments or situations that require me to walk on eggshells. I am not about that life.

I’m about me and my self-respect.

Advertisements

One Comment Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s