I’ve been on a creative journey for a good three years now and it has been very interesting. Naturally at the end of any year I reflect and think about all the lessons I’ve learned. The thing about 2016 so far is that it has arrived with some harsh lessons that have caused me to really think about the steps I take and the people I take them with.
I shit you not when I say I have cut ties with people I never thought I’d have to, been disrespected in ways I never expected and pushed to the point of my head feeling like it might explode because of somebody else’s pettiness.
And I like petty, in jokes, in humour, in not-so-serious conversations with friends, petty where it isn’t harmful at all, just another level to my already amazing level of sarcasm that I have grown to love. But petty in reality? Not actually cool.
When faced with these situations I realise I have some pretty tough decisions to make.
Part of me wants to call that dude I was involved with (who then slept with my friend) and call him all the names under the sun, take this to the internet, name and shame him and tell everybody what a fuckboy he actually is and how much he hurt my feelings, but I won’t. Or that guy that wined and dined me, selling me a dream so that he could use me for my business knowledge, then dropped me when he got what he wanted. Part of me wants to tag that idiot who decided to remove a collection of my writing without notifying me, and let our mutual friends know just how he uses people and then turns nasty when they decide to take a different path, but I won’t. Or perhaps I could write an indirect direct post on Instagram announcing to the world that I post for free, I post my thoughts and sometimes they won’t sit right with you but I don’t care and refuse to censor my expression to make you comfortable with what you read. But I won’t.
Ultimately, I am not responsible for how I am perceived, especially not by those who should know me well enough to know better. I am not responsible for how people choose to view and use me, but I am responsible for how I react to it.
I am angry writing this and I know I perhaps shouldn’t be writing any of it for the internet, but for a moment I am allowing myself to vent and to not give a fuck about what might happen because of it. Too often I experience fuckery that I don’t put on the internet, don’t post or speak about instead opting to share positivity and rainbows and writing tips because I don’t want to put out negative energy. Tonight I need to allow myself to express how I’m feeling, to be rude and raw if necessary because that is real life, and in real life there are challenges to maintaining a positive mindset.
I am no stranger to hushed voices talking about me behind my back, no-good men stringing me along, people getting bitter about whatever bit of success I achieve, indirects on Twitter because some people hate to see me do well, and I say not a word about any of it.
I believe my time and energy is precious. It has to be invested in something that I will see growth in. I’m angry right now, at a few different things admittedly, but I think it is important to share with you what I battle with behind the scenes and how I keep it together out front.
Trust Yourself. When you trust yourself, you won’t allow another person to walk in and cast doubt on your vision/skills/intentions.
Keep it classy. There seems to be a secret code whereby we don’t talk about the fuckery done to us by other people. I can see why – mud sticks and it seems to stick to the whistle-blowers. This discourages people from coming forward and sharing their own experiences, but there are ways around this. I may not stand on hill and shout out about all the people who have pissed me off today, but I will speak about it in smaller circles should the opportunity arise and it is relevant. Never out of context, never with ill intentions, only ever so that I can ease myself of some pressure and be open and honest with the people I am speaking to. I keep it classy, but hey, guess what? People respond to that and I learn a whole lot more about the fuckery you do.
Keep your cool. Okay, perhaps a ranty blog post like this is not a great example of keeping it cool but then again it is. I could have written a Facebook status where plenty of mutual friends would have seen it, put two and two together, and basically loaded it with all sorts of profanity. But I like to keep it classy and not bring too much drama to Facebook. There’s plenty of it on there and so I don’t really want to be adding to it. Plus, it is out of character for me. I’d rather take time to calm down and find another outlet. For me, it is writing and I hadn’t blogged in a while, which is why I am killing two birds with one stone here. Go me.
Tell a friend. We need to rant, let loose, offload and express ourselves about the very people and situations that have pushed us near to the edge. Because if we don’t, who knows what we might do? So get in touch with your trusted friend, let them know that you’re super pissed off right now so that they are prepared, and just talk about it until the anger has left you. It’s not good to keep all of that negativity inside you. Release. Realise that what has been done cannot be undone, and move on.
Less is more. Less words, less indirect quotes, less likes, less views, just don’t give it to them. Some people thrive off the fact that they got to you so give them nothing. You may be bubbling with anger inside and you may even be venting to your friends hourly, but keep that under wraps. Don’t allow it to consume you. Don’t let them win. They’re not worried about you at all, so don’t let them take up too much of your head space and don’t let them think you even give a shit. They are so not worth it.
Honestly, sometimes no reaction is the best reaction. I constantly remind myself that everything that happens to me will be perfect writing material, and it is so true. I take inspiration from life so can I really complain whenever life throws me these scenarios that I can write about? It will all get written about in a book one day, I’m sure.
I like to take something positive from every hard lesson I’ve had to endure, and today will be no different. For all the emotions I’m feeling now and have been feeling these last few months, there will be dozens of blog posts, which will only strengthen my portfolio, brand and following, right?
So really, I have to give thanks for all the bullshit I’ve had to deal with because it has given me something to write about, and hopefully something worth reading about.