It appears we have a problem.
Strong, powerful and ambitious women who are confident and self-sufficient are having trouble finding a partner. Not that we are incomplete without one, let’s be honest, but when we reach a point of being ready to share our successes with a loved one, we’re running a little short on options.
Hear me out. (I know that relationships aren’t for everybody and it’s also important to acknowledge that even in the absence of one, you’re still a complete person.)
While the journey to self love and self worth can be challenging, once you’ve got there it’s understandable that you might desire a relationship that reflects how you feel about yourself, right?
You don’t want a relationship to fill a void that can only really be filled by you. You don’t need the company of somebody else to entertain and motivate you. People aren’t permanent. Things change. They leave or you leave and so not everything is guaranteed.
But you are.
This is why I think it is important to work on self love first and foremost. Nobody can take away from you what you can get from yourself.
But if, like me, you’re ready to dominate and conquer with a special somebody at your side, who has a shared vision and purpose, you may also be like me and have had difficulty in finding it.
It’s not to say that it doesn’t exist but perhaps the world isn’t ready for the Modern Single Woman who doesn’t need anybody. The Modern Single Woman is a go-getter. She doesn’t sit around waiting on some Knight in shining armour to come and save the day, she’s too busy out there making things happen. She’s not easily impressed and isn’t going to make herself small for people to be comfortable in her company. She’s amazing and she knows it, and she would love to spend time with somebody who appreciates her for the awesome human being that she is.
However, being so amazing can be overwhelming for anyone who isn’t ready to meet you at your level, and that can leave you feeling a bit rubbish. Tempted to dumb yourself down? Don’t. A perfect partner will love the depths of your mind. Convinced there’s something wrong with you because you’ve had bad experiences? Go easy on yourself. Relationships can have any outcome and it takes two people to make things work.
Don’t get down on yourself. We’ve already said that self love is a journey and it is on this journey that you realise that YOU are who YOU need. To NEED a partner in order to feel whole is unhealthy. YOU are enough for YOU. YOU are what you need. Anyone else is a bonus, you hear? A bonus.
You are the real deal, the complete package, the whole Modern Woman that you need to be to create the life you deserve. But it ain’t easy, I know, maintaining a positive outlook so I thought I’d use my Friday 5 to remind you of why you’re so fantastic.
1. You’re focused and successful.
Building a life that you’re happy to live takes time and energy. You’ve been hopeless and negative before, and you noticed it didn’t bring you any results. You set your goals and deadlines, and work to achieve them. By now, you’re quick to identify and remove distractions from your life because you don’t like to waste your time. The people you surround yourself with reflect your focused mindset, and this is how you like it. Being so focused means you get results, and you know you can depend on yourself to make anything happen.
2. You’re confident and comfortable in your own skin.
That gorgeous new red lipstick that you’re wearing? You wear it for yourself. You don’t really follow fashion trends, not massively keen to fit in with society’s beauty ideals, you just know you don’t need that pressure. You live and dress for you, and that makes you feel real good. You indulge in food that you love and find balance by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. You feel good about the choices you make about your body and your life in general, you’re confident that you have your own best interests at heart.
3. Life has been tough but you’re tougher.
You know you make it look easy but that really isn’t the case. You know you can only depend on yourself so you’re less likely to be public about the battles you face in private. You know what it is like to feel at rock bottom and you’re determined not to stay there. You sometimes judge yourself too harshly but this is because you know the great things you are capable of. You’re strong and find it hard to trust that someone could pick up the pieces in the same way. You know you can depend on you.
4. Self love with ease.
In all this time you’ve been single, you’ve learned to love yourself. It’s a journey but you’re committed to feeling like you are enough for you. You’ve developed self indulgent routines such as candle lit bubble baths, movie nights, dinners out and buying yourself gifts. You take time to dress in ways which leave you feeling good about yourself, keep your diary booked up with catch ups with friends, and really do all the things you want to do. You embrace mantras and affirmations, mind your self talk where you can and make an effort at maintaining a positive outlook. You already know it isn’t easy and self love is a journey, but you’ve learned along the way that you can make yourself feel really good. Really good.
5. Self sufficient.
You have been on your own for a while now. You’re good with DIY, gardening, shopping, taking your car to the garage and building yourself an empire. You don’t need a relationship for any of that. You don’t need to be with a man to make any of that happen. You know this, of course, and you are the kind of woman who is self sufficient. You’re also resourceful so on the rare occasion you are unable to do something, you already have a Plan B and C in action. You’re good at knowing what you want and knowing how to get it.
You are a phenomenal being. You are the modern single woman and you are enough for you. There is nothing wrong with your level of independence. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. If you had waited around on others, would you be where you are now? You know you want someone who can add to your life because you have a lot to bring too. You want someone to meet you at your level of independence, ambition, focus, drive and confidence.
A confident and independent woman can really bring out the insecurities in others, but that’s okay because then you know that is not the right person for you. You shouldn’t be making yourself smaller than you are to fit into somebody’s ideal. Don’t be about that life. The right person will find you at the right time, probably when you’re not looking and least expecting it to happen.
And when you know, you know.