I Am Worth My Effort

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I woke up today feeling exhausted. I’d had a glass of wine the night before and that ensured I was in a deep sleep the minute my head hit my pillow. I struggled to wake from my slumber, the warmth and comfort of my bed tempting me to sleep for hours and hours. But I have two children, aged 2 and 5, and I had to get up.

I knew immediately that I needed to spend my day in my room. I love the way the light falls in through the window, making it bright and feel fresh like a summer day. No other room gets the sun quite like that. Or perhaps it is because my bedroom walls are white and so the light bounces of them? Who knows.

After I had given my children their breakfast, I informed them that we were spending the day upstairs. They were  happy enough. Their room is full of toys, more than you would find in a nursery, and they began to play nicely together. I brought my laptop to my room and slowly but surely began working through my To-do list. I only put three tasks on there, as I didn’t feel like I’d get any more than that done. But I did.

Despite feeling tired and groggy, today was incredibly productive. A lot of my internet time is spent networking, preparing updates and writing. I adopted a ‘can do’ attitude a while ago and told myself that I should think less and do more. This idea that we have to think everything through and plan thoroughly stunts progress. I want to move forward. If I gave too much thought to many a thing, I’d end up not doing much at all. I would probably talk myself out of half the stuff I do. So, I just crack on with it. I tell myself that it won’t take long, and it doesn’t. Not really. Time flies.

In the midst of world domination and feeling fatigued, I still have two children to take care of. I’m a single parent and while I have some support, it is minimal. So, while I want to work on my stuff, it is essential that I make sure they are occupied and taken care of properly. on days like today, I am glad they have each other and can play well together. They are close, which is lovely. Throughout the day there are tears and laughter, fallouts, cuddles and negotiations for chocolate biscuits. They are everything.

Today was so productive and I am really pleased with how much I managed to do. I’ll be able to slow down a little and focus on other things this week. Tomorrow I’ll be able to read through some blogs and maybe even watch some vlogs on Youtube. Tomorrow evening is for me, not Annika Spalding the writer, for Anni. 28 year old Anni, single mother to two brilliant little mini-Queens, lover of life and all things positive.

Today, I could have easily done nothing. I could have allowed the tiredness to consume me, but I didn’t. I chose to continue to build my empire because everything I do will benefit me in the long run. If I don’t make it happen for me, if I don’t work towards my dreams, nobody else will. It won’t be handed to me on a plate. I realised a long time ago that anything I want I have to work for. Nothing is just handed to me on a plate. On the surface, it looks simple enough but there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes. I am not a victim of my circumstances. That isn’t me and never will be. Even having children hasn’t stopped me from striving forward. I have to do it. No excuses. I don’t want to be a pensioner with regrets. I want to grow old with proud moments to share and fond memories of being an ambitious young woman. (I can still say young, right? I’m 28.)

I am worth my effort. I am so worth my effort. I promised myself I would put the same energy into myself as I do everyone else. And so I do. Self love, y’all. That is all it takes. That is what got me this far and that is what will take me further.

Watch this space x

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