Me, my mind and I

My mind is a glorious part of my being. It is fantastic. It is complicated. I am discovering the depths of it as each day passes and I love it. It is easily bored and requires constant stimulation.

Sometimes it is foggy and it is hard to think straight. I can’t even say that this is even anything to do with my emotions, but maybe it is but at times like this I don’t feel anything. It is just an empty, void type feeling. Grey thoughts and grey matter.

I am used to fighting this. I am used to analyzing and trying to diagnose what it is that makes me this way. Why I can’t interpret my feelings or constantly maintain a positive mindset. No, that’s incorrect. My mindset is very positive but when my mind enters the grey area, there is nothing. And sometimes I struggle with going from feeling excited and have my mind racing with ideas, to nothing. As time goes by, I just learn to make peace with it and let it do what it needs to do. I do not allow it to consume me. I just give it what it needs; time and patience. I don’t force myself to be happy or be excited, I allow myself to be. I believe that I need to work at creating things to be excited about, and so on these kind of days, I do little bits to make that happen.

I believe in creating opportunities so this is how I often spend my time. When I feel this void, I create opportunities, find a focus and use that as a way to distract me. It works and it works well. If I can manage to get myself to write, I write well when I’m like this. I remember one weekend I felt awful, but I made myself write. I couldn’t think that straight, it was so foggy, but I wrote non stop and produced some great blog posts and articles. I am glad that I channeled this nothingness into my creativity and produced something positive. I like that, even though there are times when I cannot identify my feelings, I am still being productive. I know this isn’t going to be the same for others but ultimately this shows me that I remain in control. And that is a great thing to know.

Lots of love x

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