My Rollercoaster Life

One of my closest friends told me recently that I have a bipolar life. Everything is both up and fabulous, or down and horrid, with no middle ground to get balance with. I don’t know a lot about bipolar, so I won’t compare my life to it but I understand what she meant. My life is like a rollercoaster, especially lately. 

I can spend a lot of time on my social media accounts, updating statuses and sharing photos, but it is never a true reflection of what my day-to-day consists of. Seriously. I rarely stop to really look at the highs and lows of my life, but last week was something else. It went from one extreme to another and it is incredible that I am able to maintain such a positive attitude. Let me share it with you:

Sunday: In the morning I received a call from a spiritual person, who had a dream about me. Without going into all the details, in this dream was a message from my mother (who’s been dead 10 years this April) telling me that I need to focus on my writing. It hit home, of course it did, as it mirrored a lot of what I’ve been feeling lately. I cried, which I rarely do because I’m not strong enough to. But I took the positive from it, that it validated my feelings and confirmed that my decision to focus on my writing had been in sync with the Universe. Then, an article I had spent some time on was returned via email, torn apart, and rewritten. I had to remind myself that we all have different approaches to things. Sure, it hurt. It angered me. I felt outraged. Disrespected. But I doubt it was meant personally and it was a learning curve. I am not at the top of my game, of course I’m not. I’m always learning, always growing and developing. I’m not an academic writer and I don’t pretend to be. I went to bed that night feeling all over the place.

Monday: I meet friend in town for breakfast and cried about my Sunday. I talked about how much of a crap writer I am, cried some more and ate badly made scrambled egg on toast (I can make it better). It became evident that the phone call from the spiritual friend Sunday morning had left me feeling all sorts of emotional and vulnerable. My lunchtime meeting was cancelled so I decide to go shopping. My lovely friend helped me home with my bags. I was still feeling a little delicate but otherwise I was looking for positives. I shared my idea of a new creative project and invited my friend to collaborate. I published and promoted article that I didn’t write. I then made a plan of action in the evening and then worked on my website. I sent whatsapp messages inviting friends to a celebratory meal later in the week. Then I found myself looking at Creative Writing courses.

Tuesday: I did the school run, jumped on two buses and then went to visit a friend, with breakfast. I took ackee and saltfish, with plantain and dumplings, because it is our favorite. We chatted, laughed and made jokes. I was in amazing spirits. I went home, my other friend popped over and we spent the afternoon plotting and planning. Amazing vibes, as per. The father of my children arrived earlier than expected. We did the school run together. He stayed here a while spending time with our children. It was all very pleasant. I chilled out with my friend in the kitchen, talking about our new collaborative project and making jokes. All excellent vibes. I spent the evening working on my new website. I also decided to apply for a Creative & Professional Writing degree at a local university. This is only two days until the deadline. P.S. A bird pooed on my head and my friend assured me that that is lucky. Okay then.

Wednesday: My children were excited as it snowed overnight, so lots of smiles on the way to school. Pretty much a chilled out day at home. My youngest child attends a childminder on Mondays and Tuesdays only, so she is at home and we had a lazy day.  I booked my table for the celebratory meal at the end of the week. Tended to household chores (SO EXCITING) and planned myself a nice evening. I walked back from school with a friend and our children, and we were discussing what we were cooking for dinner. She talked about chicken while I teased her with lamb chops. It is all very funny, actually, until we turned onto my road and witnessed a shooting. Children were scared, we were scared. When it was safe to walk down to my house, we did. Calmed the children. Waited a while, assuming neighbour has called the police. I called the police. I cracked on with cooking these lamb chops I had bragged about earlier. Appetite had disappeared. Policeman arrived. Seemed lovely but decides not to take a statement. I put my children to bed. Awaited a call back from the police. Filled out the general bits of UCAS form. Emailed my old tutor asking for a reference, apologising for the incredibly short notice. Received a call from the police, who were going to visit in the morning. I decided to have a bubble bath and go to bed.

Thursday: I informed school teacher of Wednesday’s events, as oldest child was very upset. Awaited a visit from the police officer. School phoned for more information and offered to ask a community police officer to come into school and speak to my daughter. I agreed, anything at all to make her feel safe. I whatsapped a few friends about the shooting because it was giving me stress headaches. Policeman arrived, lovely man he was. The statement took a while but was dead straightforward. He updated me on the individuals in this case. He left and I wrote my personal statement. I received an email from my tutor to say she would try to write the reference, but she couldn’t guarantee it would be on time. Later, I received an email telling me that the reference had been written and submitted. I almost screamed with excitement. My lovely friend popped up to see us, to make sure we’re all okay after what had happened. I was in a bit of a flat mood, really neither up or down. Her positive energy boosted mine. My best friend had read my personal statement and made suggestions. I made the changes and then submitted my application. I was on top of the world. I resisted the urge to tell everybody I know on social media that I had done this. I replied to some emails. I planned next week’s meetings. I had another early night.

Friday: I was out in the evening to celebrate two years of personal growth and development, so I was distracted all day. Once my children were on their way to Daddy’s, I quickly got ready and made my way to town with my friends. I arrived at the restaurant to see people who have been instrumental in my journey to happiness. I saw strong and amazing women that I used to work with, that I haven’t seen for ages, and enjoyed catching up with. I was surrounded by new, and old, friends. There was so much love and support around me, plus heaps of steak, chicken and lamb. It was glorious. I declined a dessert in favour of a cocktail afterwards. We went to a bar at the top of a building and admired the city view. We then, because it is mega expensive up there, left and went to another bar and enjoyed cocktails. The group was now smaller but it was still great vibes. I have different friendship groups and I loved how everybody was mingling. We all decided to go home early, because we were stuffed from all that eating. I decided to get a taxi and I was home in my bed by 11:30pm. I listened to music for a few hours and thanked the Universe for the abundance of love and blessings in my life.

Saturday: I had a sleep-in (9am) and then woke up feeling nothing but love for my life. I traveled for 90 minutes, on two buses,to collect my children from their father. They were at the park when I arrived and having a wonderful time. We went food shopping on our way home and for once, it wasn’t too stressful. I received and email from my chosen university to say that they had received my application. I was extremely happy about this. I watched a movie with my children, put them to bed and then stayed up late listening to music. Eventually, I had a bubble bath, went to bed and watched a movie. 

Sunday: My children enjoyed a long bubble bath and a cooked breakfast (fish fingers, beans and omelette). I spent almost the whole morning cleaning and tidying up. I then took my children on a two-hour walk. We visited a charity shop for some treasures. We made it home just before it started to snow. I then made us a cracking dinner. I received an email from my childminder to say she’s closed on Monday due to sickness. I didn’t cancel my morning meeting because I know my youngest daughter is usually well-behaved. SOMEBODY tells me they will sue me because they assume my books are about them. I told them to sue me because their name isn’t mentioned anywhere and never will be. In the evening, I continued to work on my website, until the internet played up. I made notes for article ideas and caught up with friends over the phone.

Obviously, I have two children so I am with them a lot of the time. Last week was all sorts of up and down. Most of the time, I feel fabulous. I live by the Law of Attraction and it is amazing. I feel like I am growing so much spiritually. I find aspects of my life bizarre and surreal at times. As much as I post on my social media accounts, I’m quite a private person so stuff like this I share only with close friends. But even then, I sometimes just keep myself to myself and while that has its benefits, I really need to reflect more on my day-to-day life and stop telling myself that I’m superwoman. Because I’m really not. I’m a 28 year old, single mum of two brilliant girls, with big dreams to pursue and work towards. There’s nothing special about that at all.

Welcome to my rollercoaster life.

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